House (Steve Miner 1986)
Sometimes I forget how great this movie is just because there’s another movie with the same title which is one of my favorite movies of all time. Is there a better pair of same-named films out there than House (1986) and House (1977)? I can’t think of any.
So this is the titular house of House and you might guess that it’s haunted, because this is a horror movie. Well, you’re right. It is haunted. It’s a haunted house. Best-selling horror novelist Roger Cobb moves into this house after the hauntings of the house caused his aunt to commit suicide. He doesn’t know that it’s haunted, he just wants to get away from his hectic life and have a quiet place to write his new book about his experiences in the Vietnam War. The house is also the site where his son went missing several years ago and he recently went through a divorce so this guy Roger Cobb has a LOT of shit going on in his head.
So he starts seeing ghouls popping up everywhere around midnight and he hears his son crying for help and then he’s trying to write this book about ‘Nam and that’s driving him crazy because he SAW SOME SHIT, man. He puts up a bunch of cameras everywhere to try and capture them on tape and George Wendt is his neighbor.
George Wendt played Norm on Cheers. Anyway, Roger Cobb keeps seeing shit, some cops come over because he’s firing guns at these ghouls and nothing really happens with that because they’re big fans and they don’t want to arrest him and then he keeps seeing more ghouls and killing them and then eventually George Wendt comes over at around midnight and he sees one of the ghouls too so Roger Cobb isn’t going crazy and he has a serious-ass ghoul problem.
So George Wendt gets drunk and passes out because he’s Norm from Cheers and Roger Cobb has to combat these ghouls by himself. He goes into his closet and then into his bathroom mirror which serve as portals into a haunted void and then to the Vietnam war where he relives a horrifying memory that he’s been repressing this whole time of his fellow solider getting stuck in the jungle and begging Roger Cobb to kill him before getting caught by the Vietcong.
Roger Cobb won’t kill him and the soldier yells at him before he gets taken away to be tortured by the Vietcong. Then Roger Cobb finds his son somewhere in a weird haunted Vietnam body of water which transports him back to the house but then a ghoul version of the soldier that he wouldn’t kill shows up.
He shoots up the place and chases Roger Cobb and his son around the house for a while. This goes on until Roger Cobb realizes that he can conquer this guy if he’s not afraid of him or something like that so he fights back and sticks a grenade in the ghoul’s open rib cage and blows him up and then he triumphantly leaves the house reunited with his formerly missing son. Good job, Roger Cobb!
If the other House wasn’t the wackiest movie ever made, this would definitely be the wackiest movie called House available. It’s certainly wackier than House MD for example but that’s not a movie. In conclusion, this movie is called House and it’s really crazy and silly and fun but it’s not as crazy, silly, or fun as the other House, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t watch both. You can watch both! It’s a free country. You can even watch both at the same time if you want to force yourself to have a heart attack or a seizure from over-stimulation. I’m not condoning suicide, but if you’re looking for a way out, that would be a good way to go.